our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
