she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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