I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
