In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize