so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
