you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
