I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
