Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
