Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
