If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
