Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
