Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
