PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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