I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
