Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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