You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We're like a lot better than the average bears
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
