i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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