Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
