I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
