He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
