just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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