my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
