I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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