I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
