she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
