She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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