i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
