Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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