i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
