im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
