Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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