Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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