She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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