I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
