What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
