to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
