I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
