she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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