OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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