you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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