Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
