she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
