So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
