The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize