I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
