Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
