So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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