So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
