Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I believe in your delicious
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize