Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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