I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
