She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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