I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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