Whod you bang
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
