I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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