we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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