I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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