i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize