You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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