I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize