trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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