So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
