dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
