she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
