I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
