I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
