I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
