I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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