Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
