you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
