And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
