Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
