you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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