you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize