One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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