We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
