Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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