He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
