So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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