I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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