i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
