I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
