it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just forgot I was standing up.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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