the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
