I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
