My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
