I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize