hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I will pee on everything he values.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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