i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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