Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
