if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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