That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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