It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
