So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize