I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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