I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
