I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
