two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
