This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
