didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
