so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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