Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
