I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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