I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
