At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
