I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
