Define "chronic" masturbator.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
