Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
