JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
