This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up under a house in Key West
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
