I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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