do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize