I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
