That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
