We're like a lot better than the average bears
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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